Remember to give feedback to 2 peers. Please make sure everyone has feedback.
In class, you worked on developing your life event. You will now use your rough draft to post your final draft of your story. I suggest that you write your final draft in Microsoft Word, use grammar and spell check, and then paste your story here. Your story should be 400 words. You will be assessed on your use of details, conventions, powerful verbs and adjectives, and plot development.
Remember to give feedback to 2 peers. Please make sure everyone has feedback.
31 Comments
Ms. Moriconi
8/22/2013 06:29:54 am
If you have problems submitting your final draft here on the blog, you can email it to me.
Reply
Blake Borders
8/26/2013 03:30:18 am
Blake Borders
Reply
Kris Campbell
8/27/2013 03:47:21 am
Kris Campbell
Reply
Andy B
9/7/2013 12:41:26 am
This is a really great story. it made me interested to keep reading it and had very good usage of word placement. However I did notice at points you switched from present tense, to past tense which confused me a bit.
Haeley H
9/17/2013 03:46:02 pm
Good Story, you have good word choice and you go into detail really well.
Tyshiana Grace
8/27/2013 04:44:33 am
The great fall
Reply
Walter Jara
8/22/2013 07:00:56 am
A story of experience. It was bad but to other people horrifying. I got ripped off or robbed of money as I go into this. So after some planning before the summer my mom and I decided to go to Paris for the second time but this time with good weather. The sun illuminated with expanding brightness and I could see the sky and the many clouds. That is, when I stopped looking down.
Reply
8/22/2013 10:29:39 pm
Per.3
Reply
Joshua L
8/22/2013 10:40:12 pm
My family and I went over to the U.S to have a family reunion. When we arrived there being filled with excitement I saw my cousin standing at the bottom floor waiting for us together with her mother at the airport. My cousin was and is very intelligent. We were heading over to the car in the parking garage thinking about how hot it was, it was as hot as metal laying in the son. We drove over to their house mean while I was looking at the buildings in the neighborhood and getting familiar with it, and I really liked it, its familiarity comforted me. We arrived at their house which was in a large town in Dallas. There were buildings that looked like schools, because of their shape, a rectangular type of shape. Next, we went to the house of another aunt. there was an iron gate, on the right there would be a white door, and in front of you stone stairs. Once in a while you would actually hear a train racing by every half an hour or so. In front of the house you would see parking places. My cousin and I watched the movie zombie land after she came with us to visit other family. We played catch with a baseball after we were done watching the movie. You could consider it torture considering it was as hot as it was. We went inside and I did some skateboarding even though I had no experience with it what so ever. After we stayed a little longer we had to say goodbye. We drove across the country with my cousin once again and stopped in the middle of nowhere at my aunt’s house. It was extremely dark and if you would look around outside you would see nothing more than an endless sight of farm land and a forest far off in the distance which was barely visible, it was as creepy as a haunted house. This place would give you the feeling like someone was watching you. The next morning we left and drove across the country again to visit more family. It was dark by now and my cousin and I told each other scary stories and made each other notice something extremely creepy in a van in front of us, something that had almost looked like a head cut off and hung up by the window but then saw it was a white bag with perhaps a ball in it. We were creeping each other out by joking about it. It was very dark by our feet, you could see quite well but once you looked at your feet you only saw black. After going back to my aunt’s place we got sent away in the middle of the night for whatever reason. While walking out of the door my cousin and I both looked each other in the eye both in an emotional state, because we had to say goodbye all of the sudden. We headed towards another aunt of mine and stayed the night, the next morning we left for the airport and headed home. So, there we were totally jet lagged, in an emotional state and it has been a long time since we could visit again.
Reply
Isaiah Higgs
8/23/2013 04:58:21 am
Reply
Jordan Clement
8/25/2013 07:09:36 pm
That was pretty sweet(not the tackling), but the story itself.
Reply
Oliver
8/29/2013 03:07:58 am
That was put together really nicely
Joshua Lillian
8/24/2013 05:18:28 am
The Gray Box
Reply
Katharine Omstead
8/25/2013 06:45:07 am
This is really good, Josh! Good word choice, great descriptions, and lovely writing style.
Reply
Andy Balentine
8/24/2013 10:32:09 pm
Reply
Malik Mays
8/25/2013 05:21:46 am
It all started out aas a hot summer day, down a dusty and rugged dirt road. My mom drove me to daycare in an old blue house that had been converted to a daycare.
Reply
Riley Jones
8/25/2013 05:23:15 am
Have you ever had that feeling at night when you turn off the light and run to bed and you hear a noise, so you just get into you blankets and don’t move because you think that if you do the boogie monster will come up from underneath and kidnap you? That feeling falls into my situation. It was me and my cousin Leah, we were going all around the house looking for pillows and blankets because we wanted to make a fort. It was nice being able to come back home to Florida after living in Norway for three years. My whole entire family from my mom’s side lived in Florida; it was Pensacola, Navarre, Fort Walton Beach or Crestview. When I sat down on the mound of pillows and blankets, I took the time to realize all the things I missed about Leah’s room. The bright blue walls with white rims, pink carped and the big window. The room was lit up with the color blue due to the fact that the sun was beaming into the room. It was kind of weird because her room smelt like raspberries and cough syrup. I sat up and we both started to built the fort right when Bailey (my older sister) and Jacob (my other cousin and Leah’s older brother) came barging into the room with BB guns in their hands .I remember Bailey yelling at us to go into the closet and that if we tried to escape or if we made a sound that she would shoot me. Which I find kind of offensive because she didn’t threaten Leah only me, my other sisters and I did lock her up in a book room. We both ran into the closet and stayed quiet. I didn’t like being trapped in a small closet, in the dark, with Leah, being threatened to be shot at with BB guns. The only thing you could hear was Bailey and Jacob making a plan for if we try to escape and the AC. I got up and I walked over to the little play vanity and grabbed the flashlight that was on the table. At least I could see now. We were in there for about fifteen minutes and that’s when Leah and I both decided that we were going to get out of the closet. I slowly opened the door and popped my head out. I was so happy that they weren’t there. I opened up the door that lead into the small hallway and that’s when I saw Bailey and Jacob ready to chase me through the house. I ran for the living room and I heard the BB balls bounce on the ground and hear my Uncle Loren started yelling at them. Yes, now I’m actually free. I swear, being kept hostage by my family was not that fun despite the fact that I got hit in the back a couple times with a BB gun.
Reply
Molly Dinger
8/25/2013 06:08:07 am
Great word choice! Nice descriptions too.
Reply
Katharine O.
8/25/2013 06:56:19 am
Very good! I like the descriptions and vocabulary. Only one thing bothered me, and that was a spelling mistake--"smelt" should be changed to "smelled". Other than that, I loved it.
Reply
Katharine Omstead
8/25/2013 05:50:46 am
I watched the green line moving across the heartbeat monitor—once, twice, and again. A good heart rate for a horse under anesthesia. Still, fear sent chills racing up my spine. What if something goes wrong and he doesn’t make it? What if he doesn’t heal right and has to be put down? What if….? Terrible thoughts bounced around the inside of my skull, and I was starting to get a headache. Still, I remained at the window, watching, fighting back the panic that threatened to consume me. It was hard. The blue-gray form lying motionless on the sterile table was my horse. And I was worried about him.
Reply
Andy B
9/7/2013 12:49:31 am
The story is great and I couldn't find any grammar, spelling of punctuation mistakes, so I think its great!
Reply
Haeley H
9/17/2013 03:47:07 pm
Good job kitty! i like your writing style (: your word choice was good as well !
Reply
Molly Dinger
8/25/2013 06:02:29 am
Molly Dinger
Reply
Haeley H
8/25/2013 06:18:04 am
“Hit, hit, PULL!” the coaches yelled as we practiced our jumps in the main hall. My legs shook and trembled with fear knowing that in less than a few minutes everything I learned, all my hard work would be shown in front of multiple judges and coaches and they would be the ones to determine if my dream came true or if I had to keep pursuing it.
Reply
Kasandra V
8/25/2013 06:27:59 am
To me being five years old was amazing. Looking back I was always the care free happy girl. I’ve always been the type to save all the good memories up in brain so I’d never forget them. Like when I was going to Disneyland for the first time. I was spending the summer with my dad and he thought it would be a nice idea for a family trip. I was excited beyond belief. It felt like a dream that’d I’d be able to see my favorite Disney princesses and Mickey Mouse. We had been staying at my dad’s cousin’s apartment so we could be closer to the theme park. It was early when we had all woken up, but that didn’t stop the sun from beating its hot rays upon us.
Reply
Jordan Clement
8/25/2013 04:06:48 pm
Jordan Clement
Reply
Jordan Clement
9/5/2013 10:38:31 pm
Jordan Clement
Reply
Elyssa H
8/25/2013 09:28:51 pm
first concert
Reply
Oliver
8/26/2013 04:10:46 am
Reply
Andrea P
8/26/2013 05:46:54 am
My First Time I Heard That My Best Friends Dad Was Famous Singer!
Reply
Bendik S
9/3/2013 11:23:04 pm
In July 2002, my nameless sister was born.
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
January 2015
Categories |