Using the graphic organizer to help you construct your final mini-essay, post your introduction, two well-developed paragraphs, and conclusion here. Make sure you analyze how the evidence supports the claim and discuss how he is convincing his audience (at the convention and in the colonies). 500 words.
37 Comments
Hannah S
9/21/2014 10:09:01 pm
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Maria L.
9/22/2014 04:48:55 am
You should be careful about which tense you are talking in, for example when you say: "However its the winter...", you are talking in present tense, which can be misleading and confusing to the reader.
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Alberto L.
9/22/2014 05:43:54 am
Your essay is verry good and organized, and gives a clear understanding to the speech.
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Ms. M
9/23/2014 05:31:38 am
You have the format of the claims and support. Work on building your analysis of the quotations to larger ideas. You need to integrate all of your quotes by connecting to specific concepts of Paine's. Also work on concluding sentences/transitions at the end of paragraphs. Write as much as possible in the present tense when writing about literature.
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Maria L.
9/21/2014 10:21:03 pm
In the pamphlet “The American Crisis”, Thomas Paine argues that if the British colonists of America did not stand up against the mother country, England, and commit themselves to fighting from that day forward, every single person in America would suffer greatly. He thought the resistance against Britain’s oppression against the colonists in America was already past due and that “had [they] [started] 8 months earlier, it would have been much better”.
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Ida-Kristine H. Aukan
9/23/2014 04:53:52 am
I think it is a very well written essay. You had some strong claims and supported them with many evidence. One thing would be to start with your claim right away or kind of pointing out before you start talking about the overall meaning.
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Ms. M
9/23/2014 05:35:43 am
Excellent development of the claims and building your analysis of the evidence by linking to ideas. Work on eliminating "Paine says" and build verb choices which create a stronger tone to present his arguments.
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Alberto L.
9/21/2014 11:14:42 pm
In Tomas Paine’s essay “The American Crisis”, he discusses how the American colonists’ lack of commitment and procrastinating will lead both poor and rich to the same fate. In paragraphs, one, two and five Paine discusses these key elements, by criticizing the American colonists. The essay was written in the time of the American Revolution with its purpose to make the American population realize the horrible fate that was awaiting them if they did not sharpen up immediately.
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Dylan N
9/22/2014 05:47:41 pm
It is very helpful adding a space between the paragraph when posting to the website it makes the essay look much more organized and helps to let the reader know when the paragraph ends and begins. I like the way you organize by having each one of your paragraphs being about one of the ones in Paine’s article. Your use of the quotations is well done and I think most the time help to add to your ideas.
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Ms. M
9/23/2014 05:44:58 am
Clear identification of claims. Good selection of evidence. Work on more variety in your use of quotations. Connect to ideas rather than Paine in the act of saying/claiming. Make sure body paragraphs have strong transitions.
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Seren G
9/23/2014 11:50:54 pm
You have clear claims and evidence.The only thing you can improve is to add more ideas and connect them to make an inference.
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Michael Y
9/28/2014 12:55:27 am
Your analysis at the very beginning is very good. The end result didn't matter if they were rich or poor. They would all suffer alike. He tried to appeal to their desire to remain free men and not under British rule and taxation. Good points.
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Ida-Kristine Aukan
9/22/2014 12:53:01 am
!homas Paine writes «The American Crisis»!
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Alberto L.
9/22/2014 06:37:02 am
Your essay is good and has many quotes to support the claims. The only thing that you might want to thing about when writing your next essay is to shorten the quotes a bit, and try to avoid quoting more than one sentence at the time. I think it would make it easier for you and the reader to analyze the quotes. Also, maybe try to make your conclusion a bit stronger, again to make it easier for both the reader and yourself. All in all it was a verry good essay though!!
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Ms. M
9/23/2014 05:48:56 am
Good selection of quotes. You need to work on integrating the quote by connecting to your analysis of the ideas. Thus, you will improve the integration and the analysis of the quotes. Breaking up long quotes will also help you give more specific analysis of Paine's claims and evidence. Work on developing a more specific introduction and conclusion.
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Trent W.
9/22/2014 02:19:42 am
In this essay “the crisis” by Thomas Paine he put a lot of claims in it telling why the people should fight in the revolution instead of having the British take over the new world. One of the claims that I thought was a significant one was, everyone will suffer if they do not do anything, I like this because it shows that he is trying to fight and to get the colonies with his to fight as well. A reason that Thomas Paine is trying to fight the revolution and not suffer from it is “it matters not where you live, or what rank of life you hold, the evil or the blessing will reach you all.”(P2 the crisis) This is telling the people that no matter how you live your life the evil or the blessing will come to everyone and it will not matter if you are rich or poor. Another one I found is “the rich and the poor, shall suffer or rejoice alike.”(P2 the crisis) this is showing that no matter how rich or poor you are if you don’t fight together we will still all suffer together but if you do fight we ill all rejoice in happiness. The last on I have found for this claim is “the blood of his children shall curse his cowardice, who shrinks back at a time when a little might have saved the whole, and make them happy.”(P2 the crisis) This is showing that if everyone fights then we have a chance of happiness so don’t be that person that hind is the shadow because you cold be the difference between happiness and suffering.
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Maria L.
9/22/2014 05:03:34 am
First of all, using clearer paragraphs will make it much easier for you to get across the message you want the reader to get. It will make the reader want to read more, and it is easier to find important information in the essay you have written.
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Ms. M
9/23/2014 05:57:00 am
Good selection of quotes to support the claims. Consider shifting the "you" to "colonists" and this will be your quotes into a stronger historical focus and analysis of Paine's call to action. Work on developing separate paragraphs for your introduction and concluding statement.
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Jasmin Church
9/22/2014 02:47:04 am
“The Crisis”
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Hannah S.
9/23/2014 01:18:25 am
a few things,
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Ida-Kristine H. Aukan
9/23/2014 04:50:28 am
I think that you have overall written a good essay. I think you have a lot of quotes to support your claim and you explaining them very good. The only thing is that I feel like your going away from the main point and kind of going around it. I would like to have seen a little more about the writers views.
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Ms. M
9/23/2014 06:25:59 am
You would benefit from an introduction that sets up Paine's claims about the Tories in "The Crisis." Work on breaking up paragraphs by adding a blank line. You have a good selection of quotes which present Tory as the enemy. Work on developing how they are enemies a little more clearly. Also, add a conclusion which brings the two major claims together.
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Seren G
9/23/2014 11:57:44 pm
I think your essay is good. You have enough quotes to support the claims and your explanation is very well. You should make an introduction explaining what the argument is going to be about, so that the readers can understand what you are going to talk about.
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Seren G
9/22/2014 03:16:17 am
''The Crisis"
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Ms. M
9/23/2014 06:30:12 am
You have clear claims and evidence. Add a line between intro and first body paragraph and last body paragraph and conclusion to improve readability on the blog. Work on integrating your quotes into larger sentences which focus on an idea that Paine is presenting.
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Michael Y
9/28/2014 12:49:38 am
Your comments about this inspiring the Declaration of Independence are interesting. Also, the comments about the sign of fear not being shown in the camps actually referred to the fact that they were few in number and retreating but still showed their courage.
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Dylan N
9/22/2014 04:34:02 am
Thomas Paine’s “The American Crisis” was a call to arms for the American people. It stated that if the people wanted their freedom that they had to fight for and they had to start fighting for it now. Paine’s speech was meant to persuade people into going to war to fight for the American’s freedom from the British crown and British loyalist he called “Tories.” He gave reasons to fight and motivation on why they are fighting and how they can win. His main points were about the people needing to step up to fight and that the time to start fighting now.
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Ms. M
9/23/2014 06:35:42 am
Clear claims and evidence. Good introduction. Build more evidence into the second body paragraph. Work on connecting ideas to quotes and getting rid of "he states/is saying" as part of the sentence. Make sure you have concluding sentences/transitions for all paragraphs. Keep an academic tone throughout your conclusion.
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Andrew A.
9/26/2014 02:17:26 am
I like how you used the quotes to prove your point clearly and concisely. None of your paragraphs had a very clear introduction to state your claims though.
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Anthony D
9/22/2014 04:15:20 pm
I chose to start with the first paragraph from the packet The American Crisis, by Thomas Paine. The claim is “Fight now! Its Honorable”, I used the following quote to support my claim, “The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of his country but he that stands it NOW, deserves the love and thanks of man and women.” In other words I think it means to not wait and see what happens anymore, but instead to fight now, stand up for your country now and those who do, deserve to be awarded and loved by the people of the land in which they fought for. Paine continues the next sentence stating “that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” It was clear to me after reading just these two sentences, that the whole paragraph would be solely about somewhat motivating the people to fight back and stop the lawless abuse and taxation of the king. I also found this from the paragraph, “so celestial an article as freedom should be highly rated”. I believe here he is talking about the declaration of independence and that how it seemed strange that such an important document of freedom wasn’t taken as seriously as it should’ve been. So being at this point in the essay I’ve concluded that this paragraph is meant to encourage everyone to fight and fight now for what they so much love, the American life.
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Hannah S.
9/23/2014 01:20:13 am
You should write your blog formally, and instead of saying how you're going to start your essay, just start it. You don't need to put your own opinions, instead write it from an unbiased point of view. You also should separate your paragraphs so we can see exactly where they start and finish. But, it was a good blog!
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Ms. M
9/23/2014 06:41:13 am
Good selection of quotes to develop as evidence. You have clear analysis of Paine's objectives in terms of the impact of his evidence. You can omit "I think" because by presenting your analysis of the specific quotes, you are building your position. Also, work on setting up quotes--as ideas rather than as parts of the text that you read.
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Andrew A.
9/26/2014 02:19:45 am
I like how the introductions to the paragraph clearly and concisely stated your claim for the passage. You could have been less casual with the way you wrote the post.
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Andrew A.
9/26/2014 02:15:46 am
I chose the 1st paragraph in The American Crisis by Thomas Paine. The main point of this paragraph was to state that these were the times that tried mens souls and the sunshine patriot and the summer soldier would not fight in the winter like a true patriot, but only in the summer months were it wasn't cold and uncomfortable. He says this when he says "The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of his country but he that stands it NOW, deserves the love and thanks of man and women." This quote means that you cant wait to fight in the good weather or they wont win, you have to fight rain or shine to win against the English and gain independence to deserve the love and thanks of man and women. He continues on to say “Tyranny is not easily conquered: yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” This quote means that while fighting against the English may not be easy it says that the harder the fight is to achieve something the better and sweeter the results of what you fought for. So the purpose of this paragraph in The American Crisis was for Paine to criticize people for waiting till summer to fight because of the weather and to encourage them by saying that the harder they fought the better the rewards.
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Michael Y
9/28/2014 12:43:15 am
In December 1776, Thomas Paine wrote to the American colonists that no matter who you are or what you do you can't escape the tyranny of England. Every single man must take up the cause against the British. However, in the middle colonies, there was a significant number of Tories who were ambivalent to the idea of independence. Despite the Tories and their influence, Paine was convinced that victory could be gained in the end.
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Ms. M
9/28/2014 04:45:59 am
Develop a short introduction. Good selection of evidence. Strong claims to start body paragraphs.
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Evin P.
9/29/2014 06:08:46 am
The Crisis. Such a great title for what the revolution was. Thomas Paine wrote it during one of the most brutal winters of the war. Men were deserting the army cause of the harshness of the winter. It was also a hard conflict. Thomas Paine wants the Patriots to fight all the time and not just the summer/spring. He wants them to “stand it now”. He says that the harder the conflict the more glorious the triumph. All because he does not want them to be the summer soldier/sunshine patriot. He also states that tyranny is like hell. It is not easily conquered.
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