Post the final draft of your story that has taught you lessons about living.400-500 words.
22 Comments
Dylan N
11/24/2014 07:32:21 pm
There was a time I learned a valuable lesson about resource and time management. I was at my friend’s house for the day sometime in January a couple years ago. It had started snowing the night before so by morning there was a nice coat of snow across the grass. We decided that we would go out and build something with it. Nothing we would build would stay up and we discovered that we had to pack the snow extremely tightly. So we decided we would find a tin block and stuff as much of the snow into it as we could. We also decided that we would take the task of building an igloo in steps, we would pack all the snow we could come up with into the bricks and then arrange all the finished bricks into the igloo. We worked at this for over two hours and made close to forty bricks. Then we were out of the snow. We then started to arrange the bricks to make our magnificent igloo.
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:23:14 pm
Clear structure. Work on sentence variety--use more subordinate clauses as sentence starters to provide balance.
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Jasmin Church
11/25/2014 12:50:52 am
My Aunt (Lucy)
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:26:20 pm
Add additional spaces between paragraphs to improve readability. Avoid "And" as a sentence starters. Would like a clearer progression of the elements--the ending seems to be part of the initial report of the accident.
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Hannah S.
11/25/2014 01:31:20 am
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:27:52 pm
Strong reflections. Nice fresh images (I really like the box of tissues simile). Good structure. Strong topic sentences that direct the content.
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Seren G.
11/25/2014 01:46:04 am
I moved to Germany from Turkey when I was 10 years old. My life changed when I moved to Germany from Turkey. It had a great impact on me. I went to German school for three years. When I learned German fluently, I moved to an American school to get better in English. After a few years, I learned different languages which were German and English. I can speak better German and English than before when I was in Turkey. I made new friends who came from different countries. I learned different languages and different cultures. When I moved to Germany, at the beginning , I felt lonely and sad, and scared because I didn’t have any friends and I also missed my relatives and friends in Turkey but after few years I got used to live in Germany. Some people were nice and helpful here in Germany. I got used to live here and I started to feel better but I also feel a little sad because I learned how valuable my friends and relatives are because you understand how valuable your friends or our family are when you are isolated from each other, so I become more careful with my attitude, being a kind person and to keep up my relationship with them. I improved my English in Germany and I speak better than I was in Turkey. I also became more successful in Germany. I learned different languages and I learned different cultures. I become more social in Germany. I socialize with different people who came from different countries. I have a greater understanding of different cultures from around the world. I grew up in a multicultural environment which is very beneficial for me and had great impact on me. I gained important insights and interpersonal skills. I have a better understanding of other beliefs, attitudes and behaviors. With this knowledge of others, I will have a higher level of interpersonal and social skills. If I have not lived in Germany, I could not be able to speak different languages very well and I could not grew in multicultural environment. I learned that multicultural environment is very beneficial and has advantages such as learning different cultures and different languages and having multicultural friendship, learning new cultures from each other and become social. Learning new languages and cultures and having different cultural friends can help me to have a brighter future.
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:29:48 pm
Add extra line between paragraphs to give a structure to your reflection. Clear order of events. Nice final reflection.
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Ida-Kristine H. Aukan
11/25/2014 01:56:00 am
Ida Aukan
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:31:57 pm
Interesting variety of examples to stress the importance of living life when you have it. Good structure. Nice sentence variety. A few typos.
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11/25/2014 02:27:34 am
Autobiographical Incident
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:34:00 pm
Strong sequence of events. Good details which reflect the "child-like" view as well as your more "adult" reflection.
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M. Lid
11/25/2014 02:48:05 am
When Perfection Is Not An Option
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:36:38 pm
Strong use of details. Well developed reflection on the event and the lesson learned--about her, about yourself and about friendships which must weather distance and time.
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Anthony D.
11/25/2014 03:02:17 am
Careful who you trust
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:39:10 pm
Extend the final reflection, but you have a strong presentation of the experience, particularly as a child and the lack of understanding about why the child care worker is behaving in this way.
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Trent W.
11/25/2014 04:03:48 am
It was my sixth birthday and I got to spend it at my grandparent’s house in Colorado. I got many different toys that year and one of my favorite toys was a little parachute man that when you throw up and it would unravel and float ever so gently back down towards the ground. A few days after my birthday I still really enjoyed playing with my parachute man so I had the idea to make his float down to the ground a lot longer so I convinced my brother to join me in doing this. The way my brother and I thought of to make the parachute man fly longer was that one of us would go on my grandparent’s balcony and the other would go below it to catch the man as it fell down. At first one of us would drop it down and the other would catch it and we would switch places and do it again. After a while we decided that it was taking to long to switch places every time so then we decided that I would stay on the balcony and my brother would stay down below. As we did this I would drop the man down and my brother would wad it up and throw it back up to me so I could toss it back down and watch it glide to the ground. We did this for a while and then one time the parachute man was to far out from the railing that I could not reach it so I decided to climb up the railing and try to grab it. As I was doing this, my mom was inside and she looked over and saw me climbing the railing and tried running over to stop me. as I was trying to reach out and grab the parachute man from the air I got a little to high up on the railing and not knowing that my mom was trying to warn me I leaned a little to far over and then all of a sudden I fell. I woke up on the ground below and did not know what had happen and all of my family was crowded around me wondering if I was ok. Then I just fell back and was unconscious and the next thing I remember happening was sitting in a hospital bed with two casts on my arms both above the elbow and a really big headache. When I asked what happened that told me that I fell of a balcony and broke both of my arms, the right arm more then the left, and fractured my skull around my right eye. After I got out of the hospital life was very difficult with out the help of your arms to do things. Then I started to take life with more caution and not do something unless I knew I could do it and not take as many risks as I used to take and then even though I was more cautions about things I still managed to break my arm again as well as my thumb in the future.
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:42:54 pm
Add paragraphing to develop sections of the event. Clear cause and effect here. Add commas within sentence to direct the reader through them.
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Evin P.
11/26/2014 03:28:31 am
Never lose sight of what you did
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:44:50 pm
Clear sequence of the event. Build in more commas to direct reader through your sentences. Extend final reflection.
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Michael Y
12/1/2014 06:25:17 am
Stemposium III
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Ms. M
12/4/2014 03:47:14 pm
Lots of details here. You might want to select those which emphasize the lessons learned--problem-solving, team-building, and task completion.
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