Please post a final, edited copy of your synthesis essay here for peer critique.
68 Comments
Raegan C.
9/7/2013 05:19:45 am
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Ms. Moriconi
9/9/2013 05:52:27 pm
You have a definite position on the role of leaders in the civil rights. Spend more time with each example you include. While you have the evidence from the text, you need to expand a little more before you move to your next example. Additionally, keep your topic sentences focused on YOUR position and then use the evidence to discuss to avoid merely moving from figure to figure.
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Trey C.
9/10/2013 08:20:23 pm
Good work, your writing was very thematic and even included a bit of your own digression on progress. Hell-Raiser, Hand-Shaker, or Martyr, which one should we be?
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Cj W.
9/11/2013 04:32:22 am
Very well written, Raegan. You clearly identified the points in each body paragraph and had a string closing conclusion paragraph as well.
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Cj W.
9/11/2013 04:32:39 am
*strong
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Tasha
9/11/2013 06:38:10 am
I thought your essay was very eloquent and pretty :D Very well written and crafted and just beautiful writing, just next time be a bit more persuasive and you'll be golden ;)
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Tasha
9/8/2013 12:25:26 am
((If you guys were waiting on me, I apologize. My internet has been wonky lately))
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Ms. Moriconi
9/9/2013 05:57:19 pm
Tasha--you have a focus on the avenues available and needed for changes in society. The dialogue between the sources is developing. Make sure you have what I have called the "Power of 3"--three specific textual references in each body paragraph.
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Angelique K.
9/10/2013 03:03:59 am
Tasha, I really like how you wrote your essay, and I agree with all of the points that you make. You do a good job in making sure that the reader is able to clearly understand your point of view. It is very clever that you were able to use modern events in your essay it really makes it easier for the reader to relate. However, it would be nice if you included more quotes from the text so that the reader can see where you are coming from. Overall, your essay is well written.
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Tasha
9/10/2013 04:49:22 am
((I know it was already graded, but I thought the rest of my essay should at least see the blog site as well since it got cut off.))
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 05:08:19 am
Nice final reflection to the essay.
Trey C.
9/10/2013 08:23:01 pm
Way to go, you did very well with all of your references, and I especially like your comparisons of the Civil Rights Movement with the various turbulent events of this past century.
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Cj W.
9/8/2013 01:39:46 am
Cj Watkins
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Ms. Moriconi
9/9/2013 06:02:13 pm
CJ--you clearly want to show the impatience that both Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr. felt and demonstrated in their approaches to civil rights. Keep yourself focused on identify what YOUR argument and use their paths as support for your opinion. You have more of an argument analysis approach rather than a persuasive approach here.
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Angelique K.
9/10/2013 02:57:05 am
I liked how you wrote your introduction starting with an allusion, and then introducing Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X to us. You do a good in letting the reader know how you feel about both of them, but as you continue to write you kind of forget that you are trying to persuade us. Your essay would be a perfect analysis of the speeches, but it doesn't really persuade your audience. Overall, it is pretty well written.
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Ryan M
9/8/2013 07:47:39 pm
Back in the days of the 1960’s, America was going through a lot of turmoil and revolution. During this time the “colored” and the “whites” where segregated and what many people believe to be unequal. Many people believe that the “colored” people, where treated unfairly and more harsh than the “whites.” There were two people though, who wanted change for all their people and they were Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X. Malcolm x and Martin Luther King Jr. were alike in ways that they wanted segregation to come to an end, but were very different in their approach into ending segregation. Martin Luther King Jr. wanted to fight segregation by peace. Martin Luther King Jr. would emphasis the right to stand your ground and not fight the police. Malcolm X on the other hand, wanted to do whatever it would take to earn the equality that they deserve. I believe that Malcolm X’s way of approaching civil rights would better secure the civil rights for black Americans.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/9/2013 06:07:11 pm
Ryan, you have clear support. However, you might want to breakdown the long quotes to highlight specific elements that Malcolm X proposes in terms of the focus on how to secure one's civil rights rather than the characterization of African Americans. You have a position on what path needs to be taken, but the evidence should focus on supporting the path.
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stephen
9/16/2013 08:09:53 am
very good essay, I noticed something though, X and King wern't the only figures, but just the most predominant ones. Also, watch out for very long qoutes. Good essay
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Maurie
9/8/2013 07:49:49 pm
There have been many civil rights speeches and activists in history, but the two most famous voices have been Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X. In their great speeches, they both have strengths and weaknesses; King presenting “I Have a Dream,” and Malcolm X’s “Message to Grassroots.” When looking back on civil rights today, the person that would be the most relevant to modern times and was probably the most appropriate way to approach civil rights is Martin Luther King Jr.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/9/2013 06:10:03 pm
Maurie--you are developing an analysis of each author here. However, in a synthesis essay, you must take a strong position on the path for civil rights, according to your opinion. Here, you let the sources dominate the focus of each discussion, rather than keeping the focus on YOUR argument, with the examples supporting what YOU think.
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Cj W.
9/11/2013 04:35:21 am
Very good job, Maurie. However, I think we BOTH missed a essential part of the prompt, to give our own argument on it and have supporting claims as to why we feel that way. Still, very well written.
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Sarah P.
9/19/2013 06:00:48 am
Very Well written, Maurie. I really like your example of how this compares to relevant history. Non-violence is a very intelligent way to go about things in today's society.
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Angelique K.
9/9/2013 02:55:04 am
Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X are two famous civil rights activists from American History, they had a goal that they wanted to reach, and that was equality for all U.S. citizens no matter their race. Even though they had the same goal their approach of reaching this goal varied greatly. King’s main method of reaching this goal was through non-violent protests, but Malcolm X was the opposite because he realized that non-violent protests were not working therefore, other actions had to be taken, both violent and non-violent. Personally, I feel that Martin Luther King Jr.’s approach better secures civil rights for black Americans.
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Angelique K.
9/10/2013 02:52:02 am
I see that my last 2 paragraphs were cut off. Here is the rest:
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:15:39 am
Angelique--you present a strong argument analysis of the particular methodology of King Jr. and X. For a synthesis essay, you need the focus to be on your own argument about whether the elements are relevant in the modern world. This process begins with topic sentences that emphasis your idea about the way to achieve civil rights. You do well to represent both authors in your body paragraphs.
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Tasha
9/11/2013 06:39:33 am
Very good job crafting this essay Angelique! I can tell you put a lot of thought into it and it turned out very interesting and a good read :D
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In the 1960’s segregation was a big issue, concerning the separation of Blacks and Whites. Two very prominent preachers, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr., were “Negroes” trying to make a change for the better of the discriminated blacks. Although the two were influential historical figures they had different views on how to achieve their goals of Civil Rights for the black society. If both were alive today, there would be much controversial insight on how they approach their goals.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:21:42 am
Beau--you have followed the focus of the prompt, by attaching the ideas of King Jr. and X to the modern world. Work on developing more of the sources into your body paragraphs (Power of 3=3 citations per paragraph). Additionally, you might want to work on comma usage to direct the reader through your text. Consider also more complex verb choices.
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Bethany Balentine
9/9/2013 04:25:28 am
On August 28, 1963 Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his “I Have A Dream” speech. Martin Luther King was a Christian Minister, which could explain why he wanted to find non-violent ways in delivering his words about the injustice of the African American People, incorporating religious remarks within his speech as well as grabbing the attention of all people by making the speech easy to understand and to support. In October of 1963, Malcom X was a more aggressive character in which the way he brought across the words in his speech. He mentions the previous bloody battles of revolution, explaining that there is no such thing as a non-violent revolution, which was what the African Americans were trying to accomplish. His words in his speech are very blunt as well as the usage of metaphors. But how can we relate this to a speech of the modern day? Both Martin Luther King Jr. And Malcom X had similar methods to the modern day America and Global society when it comes to literary devices being used in a speech.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:26:45 am
Interesting approach to link Obama's response to Syria with the words of the two civil rights activists. In a Synthesis essay, you are less concerned with specific speech tactics but utilizing the content of the sources to amplify your own opinion about how civil rights can be obtained.
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Molly R.
9/13/2013 02:41:01 am
I did the same thing as you, I didn't state my opinion.
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G Partridge
9/9/2013 04:50:33 am
Civil Rights Synthesis
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:29:26 am
Georgie, you clearly understand the tactics used by the two civil rights figures. However, in a synthesis essay, you want to take a stand on how civil rights should be gained in the modern world. Your essay and its topic sentences should highlight the path that you believe is relevant to their achievement.
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Molly R.
9/9/2013 06:04:11 am
The time of civil rights, Malcolm X, and Dr. King is a very polemical time that has shaped the twentieth and twenty- first centuries of the United States history. These two activists, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr., played a huge role in the integration of America, but did so in two, very different ways. Malcolm X had a more outspoken, vulgar tone, and, in a way, criticized everyone whether they were white or black. Martin Luther King Jr. went about civil rights in a more peaceful manner and used his own values of non-violence to shape how he went about bringing civil rights to everyone. Martin Luther King Jr.’s was a more affective method that brought about more change.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:32:13 am
Molly, you clearly understand the positions and the approaches. Your conclusion which sets up a thesis of which way is more approachable should really be the focal point of the essay itself. You need to examine where nonviolence and violence is appropriate in a modern context with specific examples from current civil rights issues.
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rachelp
9/11/2013 07:17:30 am
I like how you described Malcolm X's stance as somewhat defensive. It is also interesting that you point out Malcolm X's real name and what it means -- showing he is full of hatred for white men who are oppressors.
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daniel c.
9/9/2013 06:41:27 am
Throughout the years when African Americans were being treated unfairly and discriminated against, they had two men to look towards: Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X. Both of these men were terrific public speakers and civil rights activists, but it seemed as if Martin Luther King Jr. tried harder to work with the white man to integrate the African American society all around. After reading the speeches for both men, I feel like Malcolm X didn’t want anything to do with whites and wanted his followers to stay away from them just like himself. Martin Luther King Jr., even though it might have killed himself on the inside, took the time to work with the common enemy and secure the civil rights for all his brothers and sisters.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:35:01 am
Daniel--while you clearly understand the aims of each civil rights figure, your focus needs to move from what they said and its applicability to the time to an application of the process (nonviolence vs. violence) in the issues that the modern world currently faces.
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stephen
9/16/2013 08:12:51 am
Intresting postiton, but well argued. What examples could you give that would prove that Kings method or X's method would be relevant in todays society? good essay
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Stephen
9/9/2013 07:59:08 am
In the words of John Locke, “when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security ” (John Locke, Two Treaties of Government). When a man’s natural rights are disregarded or abused by an oppressive government, it is his duty to not only take a stand but pursue and acquire his natural rights to life, liberty, and property by any means necessary. Any glance at history will reveal that this is a simple truth. When the American colonists sent the Olive Branch petition to King George III, pleading for a peaceful way to resolve their differences, and were denied, they took up arms and fought for their natural rights. As Patrick Henry famously said, “Give me Liberty, or give me Death!” The Civil Rights movement was no different. Though history will always favor great men like Martin Luther King Jr., the truth is that King would have died a great man who accomplished nothing if not for revolutionaries like Malcom X. Without men ready raising their fist, proclaiming “At whatever cost!”, without men ready to die in order to secure rights they should have been born with, there would never be any real change. Without Malcom X, civil rights would not have been secured for African Americans, because X was willing to achieve rights for his people “by any means necessary”.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:40:46 am
Stephan--strong opening in terms of framing the role of protest and its historical memory for Americans. Your argument that both sides propel the change is strong. I would like to see the focus of your topic sentences towards views of present conflicts rather than those of the recent historical past.
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Alyssa D
9/9/2013 08:23:52 am
Beginning in the 1960’s, America experienced an understated revolution, in which African Americans across the country banded together to bring attention to their cause: their lack of basic civil rights. America was paradoxically the ‘land of the free’ and the oppressor of those African Americans which had been freed. Laws were active that enforced segregation, and prejudice and discrimination towards blacks was virtually obligatory. Among those demanding action were Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X, who would be two of the strongest voices throughout the civil rights movement. Each had their own methods of earning justice. For King, it was the power of words, pacifistic persuasion, and nonviolent protest. For Malcolm X, it was the more drastic recognition and acceptance of America’s “white problem”.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:43:59 am
Alyssa, you clearly define the process for achieving civil rights that each advocates. However, for a synthesis essay, you want to take a stand or moderate between the two, to examine whether their advocacy has a relevancy to modern political issues that our world faces.
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Molly R.
9/13/2013 02:54:44 am
You had a very strong thesis, but it didn't really state your opinion. I would like to see you take a side and elaborate on the points addressed. How do you feel about their approaches toward civil rights?
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rachelp
9/9/2013 08:25:33 am
Synthesis Essay
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:47:56 am
Rachel, you take a strong investigation of the value of each approach. To move this essay to the next step, build in the modern world issues on civil rights to provide a stronger sense of their viability as well as their differing approaches to achieving equality.
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daniel c.
9/11/2013 06:59:28 am
very well done with your essay rachel, you hit on just about all points. just like ms. moriconi said, you take into well consideration of both set of values that each man has. job well done
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Sarah P.
9/19/2013 06:07:12 am
Well done referencing your sources. You incorporated them well and used them correctly and by creating dialogue with them. I agree with your well supported argument.
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Gabrielle L
9/9/2013 09:37:13 am
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X were both revolutionaries of the Civil Rights Movement. They had the same motives for the freedom of their brothers and sisters, but their methods and means that made this happen were very different. However, the delicate situation did not call for one’s method or the other. It’s not just black or white; I believe that both have ideas that could have worked in conjunction, in a kind of compromise. Dr. King wanted a peaceful transition, and that was good, but unlike him, Malcolm X wanted to fight, which was also good. One idea was too weak, the other was too strong. If you put them together, not in a clash, it would have been the perfect plan to obtain the rights and freedom for their people, or rather, whomever they refer to.
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Gabrielle L cont.
9/10/2013 02:00:21 am
is the way to make greater things happen. Next, the use of moderate revolt and violence is to be used to convince leaders to evoke the change that needs to happen. Even though the India Independence movement was thought to be peaceful through the leadership of Gandhi, there were still revolts, bloodshed, and even an army. Violence should be somewhat used, but the process should lean towards a more peaceful side.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:52:38 am
Gabrielle--I was a little worried at the start, where you were setting up their approaches, but the additional focus brings the ideas of nonviolence and violence into focus, particularly with your discussion of Syria. In the future, settle into YOUR argument earlier in the essay. Let the sources support your ideas about whether the path for civil rights should be obtained with civility or with violence.
Yahaira S.
9/9/2013 05:21:40 pm
Synthesis Essay
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:56:27 am
Yahaira--you clearly take apart the function of each path for civil rights. In the future, focus your topic sentences on YOUR argument about each path rather than letting the sources lead your discussion. Additionally, relate their paths to the larger civil rights issues that face the global world.
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rpagio
9/12/2013 08:43:16 am
I find it interesting that you supported Malcolm X's stance instead of MLK's. I assumed that everyone would definitely choose MLK because of the high moral ground he stood on when it came to acting in a nonviolent manner. With that being said I feel you did a good job explain the positive ideas and actions that Malcolm X took.
Buse D.
9/9/2013 10:18:03 pm
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 04:59:07 am
Buse--you set up the positions of both sources. In a synthesis essay, you need to push YOUR argument--which do you think is the better path with the issues of that face the world today. Make sure when you use a quote that you spend time on relating the quote to YOUR argument.
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Angela B.
9/18/2013 04:54:03 am
I like how you use sayings from the speeches to support your understanding of Malcolm X's and MLK's perspectives. Although, I feel like your thesis statement is missing your position on this topic.
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Jurrien A.
9/10/2013 03:51:18 am
((Extremely rough draft))
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 05:03:52 am
Jurrien--there is a lot of potential here for a strong synthesis essay response. You clear take a position, maintain a strong tone, and examine the complexity of words, nonviolent actions, and the role of violence. I wish there was a bit of paragraphing here to improve readability and an organization around specific positions/ideas. This essay easily would develop to the next level with a few more well-chosen supports.
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Darel M.
9/10/2013 04:56:14 am
My position in this debate is that I agree with the proposal of a separate nation between whites and blacks introduced by the famous civil rights activist, Malcolm X. It's a very extreme way to end oppression, but it can also be the best way. If this separate nation was to have been created, the blacks would recovered all of their natural rights as a human being with no interference and racism would probably be over in America. Martin Luther King, another famous civil rights leader, proposed a really good and reasonable way to end oppression, but I personally like the ideas that Malcolm X offered a lot better. The Declaration of Independence states that humans should have natural rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, along with other "unalienable rights". Apparently, this was not provided for all the black Americans and Malcolm X provided a secure way to for blacks to obtain and keep all those rights for a long time. This situation has been going on since the American Revolution all the way to the early 1960's, including the Civil War and Abraham Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation. America has demanded freedom for almost 2 centuries, and I think that Malcolm X could've given it to us.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/10/2013 05:11:47 am
Darel--You have taken a position. How does separatism serve modern contexts and does it have a plausibility? You evaluate the effect of the positions advocated in America, but you also need to consider its applicability and viability.
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Trey C.
9/10/2013 08:17:49 pm
The 1960’s was a very turbulent year for African-Americans and the Civil Rights Movement. They were faced with segregation in the South as well as prejudice in the North, and the Federal Government could do little to help them, assuming that it was actually interested in the rights of African-Americans. Almost everyone from the national black community, men and women, rich and poor, knew that these civil injustices must be undone, but few knew how to do it. In the end they had two distinct ideas, two rallying points to support in order to achieve the respect and equality that they so demanded. Either they would join Martin Luther King’s nonviolent campaign for civil rights, or they would support Malcom X’s black nationalism. While they both are strong leaders and even stronger speakers, Martin Luther King seems to be a better and more tranquil choice than Malcom X simply because he desires a peaceful, integrated community between whites and non-whites, instead of a separate, militant and self-righteous black nation.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/15/2013 01:07:02 am
Trey--while you posit King, Jr.'s palatable nonviolent revolution over X's separatist views, you miss the opportunity to deepen the discussion to the current revolutionary approaches that our global community faces in the present.
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Hope
9/11/2013 05:56:42 am
The two most prominent civil rights leaders in the 1960s, Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr., had extremely different views about what would be the most suitable way to end racial discrimination. Both Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. believed that what they were teaching and advocating was completely necessary and appropriate for the situation in the United States. The two leaders agreed with each other that the United States was not being true to its founding documents. Laws and court cases, specifically Brown v. Board of Education, had been enacted that were supposed to enforce integration. However, they were not being followed consistently. Malcolm X decided to address this situation violently; he took a far more radical approach than Martin Luther King Jr. did. Martin Luther King Jr. advocated for a peaceful civil rights movement. He did not want anything to do with violence; he did not believe that violence was the answer. Malcolm X on the other hand took into account no other options and therefore justified his remarkably radical approach by saying that “it is right for you and me (by this he means Negroes) to do whatever is necessary to defend our own people right here in this country.” I strongly disagree with Malcolm X’s methods; Martin Luther King Jr. proposes a much more diplomatic approach that personally, I support when given the choice between the two.
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Ms. Moriconi
9/11/2013 06:26:31 am
Hope--you clearly dissect their positions. In the future, your synthesis essay should lead with your position on how civil rights can be achieved and build in more contemporary examples which allow you to evaluate how the approaches are relevant now.
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daniel c.
9/11/2013 07:02:20 am
Your essay is fine hope, but you did just about the same thing as me where you talk about the persons postition but you dont talk about who helps secure civil rights better. pretty good essay though, keep it up.
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Sarah P.
9/21/2013 08:34:01 am
The 1960’s was prominent for the Civil Rights Movement. Whenever in a discussion about this topic, the names Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X are more than likely going to be brought up, for they were basically the most out-standing figures of the day. King Jr. and X were famous for their strong fights for civil rights for African Americans. Personally, I believe that the most effective way to fight for civil rights is in a nonviolent manner. Martin Luther King Jr. was specifically known for his civil approaches to his fight. In contrast, Malcolm X fought a completely different way. He chose a very belligerent and aggressive way.
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Ms. Moriconi
10/14/2013 07:39:35 pm
AP Score: 7
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